I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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