I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
