a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
