He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
