Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
