Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
