There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
