no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
