In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
