apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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