My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
