I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
