Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
