You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
