We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
