you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
