I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
