my vag is so smooth its legendary
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
