is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
