I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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