if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
