you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
