You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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