he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
