i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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