So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
