She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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