if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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