We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
