just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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