All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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