Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
