told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this just has baby written all over it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
