dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
