I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
