Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
