I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
