I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
