I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
