It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we made out on top of his cat.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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