you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
