who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My cat gives me a boner
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My ATM looks so different sober.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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