So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
