just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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