so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
