So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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