I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
