it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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