i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
honey bunches of taint.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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