I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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