We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
