Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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