On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
