I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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