I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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