apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The struggles of a small town man whore
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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